news coming at last

“I know it’s not perfect, but it’s life. Life is messy sometimes. “

I AM SO GONNA GET MYSELF SCREWED TOMORROW!

Yea, its going to be a look and see situation. I hope the announcement tommorow morning will not crush what I’ve worked so hard on for the past 2 months because if it doesnt work. i.am.so.dead.

The news I received before I went off from work made me so worried, because with what will be said tomorrow will determine what will I have to decide next. AARGGHH. Oh my god Im just scared.

Ah. fuck this lah. Gonna go hit some balls at the range. =|

-:I Am V:-

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it”

Productive day. Managed a good team, kept their spirits high. Planned for the company’s event and cant wait for the outcome. Met a bunch of people where we all have the same interest. A very very interesting way to end the night, and it felt good. *Nobita, come let me sayang you.. *winkwink* ahahahahahaa*

I cant remember the last time I came back home late. I’ve been involving myself with too much activities like yoga, golf, gym and trekking, I cant remember the last time I spend a whole day (or even an hour) to myself. Feels good tho to do all the good stuff tho but the truth behind it, IM TIRED.

**qookie is cooking up something up her sleaves.. how am i.. suppose..to..ahahahaha**

I think I had enough of blogging. Its becoming too sappy.

I think to end the night, I would enjoy more racing my fluff pet Tipah.. its been winning 40 over matches and I think I should go serious to compete more, so ill get more munny..mhaha.

*qookie wants….. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH*

denial

denial is not a river in Egypt

Definitely denial is not a river in Egypt, but its something that we all sometimes sub-consciously do. Being in denial of coming out from a rejection, being in a denial of not accepting what the other person says.. yada yada yada.

Basically, being in the state of denial is just a defense mechanism where the fact is too painful to accept and refuse it instead. It could be a simple denial, or admitting the fact but denying its seriousness or admitting the fact and seriousness but denying the responsibility.

It got me thinking. am I denying the fact? Or am I denying the responsibility?

 **qookie got to think fast, this thinking and wondering is making qookie a very very tired one indeed**

whenever you call

after rummaging through my ol stuff, found a paper which has some lyrics on it. love you *lildjogja*. didnt think i love you this much.

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

I won’t ever be too far away to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I’ll always remember
The part of you so tender
I’ll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I’m truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

I won’t ever be too far away to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I’ll always remember
The part of you so tender
I’ll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I have inside

I won’t ever be too far away to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call

I won’t ever be too far to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call
I’ll always remember
That part of you so tender
And be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

freedom

Everybody wants a life without pain. And what does it get you? Pain is there for a reason.

Just got back from drinks with *lildjogjasis*. Something interesting came to mind.

What is freedom?

As defined by web : “the capacity to exercise choice;free will”

As defined by qookie : the ability to make your own choice, taking risk and be responsible for the outcome of the choice which was made.

Its amazing how the year have passed and I realized that.. I am now an adult. Free from the clutches of parents who tries to rule your world for your benefit. I am definitely grateful for what my mom has sacrificed/done for me to ensure that I get some good education but I am also grateful for able to make the decision on my own on thinking what is best for me.

Ahh.. and that is freedom for my life in general.

Lets go into a more interesting topic, what can we say about personal freedom? Isnt freedom being conditioned by considering how the other person thinks? Just a note,  choices made are always determined by the subjectivity of the matter and how it was constructed.

After reading my post in my previous blogs and after last weekend, I just realized that Im much more freer and loving every second of it. Going through some other blog pages and sites, found some discussions on personal freedom where some people mentioned that being in a relationship, the freedom which was there resulted in loss of time. Well, that depends on how we look at it. Time is precious, time is sweet, but what we cant do is store/gain time.

Bleh – qookie is glad that qookie has been thinking alot. qookie finally snapped. qookie is greatful. qookie loves life and planning not to waste any nanoseconds of it.

I did not realized over the years that I took life as it is. I never loved/care for myself and thought to much on others well-being. Its a good experience this last two years which made me grown a lil, where I should be a lil selfish on thinking about myself. Question was posted to me earlier at work.. “After a year of being fine and because of one individual, what made you crumbled?” Well, I dont know what happened there and to tell you the truth, suddenly life has opened my eyes and I was scared shitless about my life. Its high time for qookie, and Im definitely taking back control on how it should be managed and run.

Sleep qookie sleep. You need the sleep.

pening kepala

everyday is a winding road 

funny day.

a sotong kurita today. was doing too many things at the same time and where it got me? a huge bloody migraine. as i was cracking my head and banging it on my desk, my colleague passed me two paracetamol pills to gulp down. after that she gave me a migraine pill. me and my stupid head where we were partners on not thinking straight, blindly took all three pills together. where i ended next? on the couch at the office. smart qookie.. smart.

 in total, qookie had 100omg of panadols and a migraine pill = stonefreak.. felt that i was in strawberry park. heh heh.

 OMG! I JUST DELETED MY THAIPUSAM PHOTOS!!! OMG OMG!

well.. cant do much now. *praying for a miracle to retrieve from my clogged recycle bin**

=| GROWL.

up early for golf this morning.

good thing i beat mom again at the same spot.. the lake.

came home and ate.

and fucking too many disturbance from annoying people.

thank god that i slept all the way through the late afternoon till now.

not a good day and hoping for a better one the next day which i doubt so.

cant wait to hit the driving range after work tommorow.

yeesh.

stoned.

just got back from *jiran*’s surprise birthday dinner. although i was late for the surprise. heh heh.

wanna know why?

they call it “the smart tunnel”.. no complain on that, but the stupid freaking thing is.. i was heading towards palete palete behind istana hotel and as soon as i get onto Jalan Sultan Ismail after getting out from the SMART tunnel.. twas freaking jam like crazy.. So as my car approaches slowly towards the traffic light in front of Plaza Imbi, could see that there was a couple of police traffic who placed some skittles in front of the traffic lights completely blocking of the road and directed all traffic to in front of Berjaya Times Square and i had to turn into the road to go to Cheras. Bloody hell. Stupid enforcers. The reason which the officers gave was.. “Dek, Lampu trafik rosak.. lalu jalan lain”.. YEESSSHH! So yea, took me 1 1/2 hours to get to the venue, which by then.. I was tired.

well *jiran* .. i love you to death and hope you had a good surprise early birthday. *love*

 im so stoned right now. zzzzz. want more. =P

red spot

just came back from the atm machine and checked my balance.. 

im left with RM192.43 till end of February.

WTF. How the fuck am i suppose to go through the days. Guess that i will be skipping lunch and dinner for the next 2 weeks to be able to make it.

FUCK!!!

aint no mountain high enough.. =P

im not ready to venture into new possibilities. not just yet..

12.04pm

just got back from hiking in Bukit Gasing and my view on the place. awesome. err. what do i mean by awesome is that its a slightly tougher trail than FRIM especially one of the hill up which does not have any trail / planks and it is just … ground.. more to clay i would say.

it feels nice to be free. it feels nice not to have any commitments and to do what i feel like doing. i just realized that i’ve never been healthier than before and hmm. to come to think about it, i cant even remember the last time i had my asthma attack (yes qookie is the sissy one). whenever i think that should i go into a new “string”, the feeling just make me shudder. either that im just scared that the next relationship will turn into what happened before or mebbe im just scared that ill be hurting the next one who comes by. well, what i can say is that i am still in my rebound period, and its better to be safe than sorry and stay in hiding just for a while till i know what is certain. I just dont want to miss a step and wanting to be careful on what may come. I was hit so hard with the last one and as egoistical that i can be.. am definitely not ready to get bulldozed or sledgehammer that way again (for both the long clingy x-gf and the short x-gf). not to say that I am scared to take a step forward, but im a lil comfortable where i am at the mo. need to get slightly nestled in this first then go out and run again.  So, it may take a lil time. Patience is a virtue. For now, im just sick of being tied down, I dont want to be controlled nor would I want to be the person that the other depend on. No No! What i have now which is certain and important above all this is definitely work.

am considering looking for positions outside the country and am waiting for the time to come. although a vaccay would sound more sane, as in getting away from everyone or everything. a new break would be even better. after chatting with my *lildjogja* sister.. the possibility of actually putting things into action.. is more clearer.

and now to go for that dumbwitted wedding at the neighbours. adake buat tengahari pagi2 buta yang sungguh panas nie. isk. *now to slip into my baju kurung with my short hair* gile dragqueen.

** experimenting with the phones function. cool jugak. hehehe. taken with a w580i camera phone**