just came back from seeing my father.

words to describe : emotional, anger and sad.

i could not believe the sight of dad when i stepped at the doorway. the man that i used to be so closed to… right now can be classified as a total bum and a hippie. whoa, didn’t know that after 1 year of not seeing my dad.. a lot has changed. the way that he speaks, the way that he looks and the way that he brings himself in front of my sister and me. pretty pretty sad.

its not that i like to put a name to the face (as in categorize someone), but seriously.. what i call my father is a total failure. the sad thing is my mom sees a lot of dad in me which i usually defend myself that I’m not.. but after today… and after how i have been re-acting and feeling lately.. definite yes that a lot of my father’s trait, even i can see.

i’ve been selfish and after qookie has done some thinking .. qookie has been stupid.. (please do.. please call me dumb).. the feelings that I’ve been having.. emotional, moody, distress, unhappy and sadness.. I’ve been too self absorbed that all this feeling is mine and mine alone.. however.. the way i have been re-acting to others is very assy indeed.

“to my friends– apologize for not being sane enough.. I’ve let my feelings got over my head. will definitely improve to not be a party pooper .. =P

to my family– apologize for not being able to share what i was feeling.. but to my sister.. youre simply the greatest.

to *sweetie* – i’ve not been thinking straight on stuff and what i have been doing is letting my feelings cloud my judgement on stuff and resulted in me being a total jerk as to the increase amount of insecurities and everything-lah. thank you for being there for me when i needed you.. and thank you for keeping me sane and expanding my stupid brains to think on more positive thinking and also thanks for taking me in the way i am =) **hugzkisses**”

tomorrow is a brand new day and a (trying to be) brand new qookie will be unveiled. I definitely have to stop being bitter and bring my confidence, integrity (mebbe dignity) level up to where it was so that i can think sanely again. A promise i made to myself (thanks to sister N) is to get rid of all the insecurities i have on what matters to me because if i dont.. opportunites will dissapear and what matters to me.. will definitely not be there.

as what someone has been saying to me for the past week.. “the law of attraction is definitely important, think positive and others will treat you the same.”

thanks for the thought.. appreciate it a lot .. and i promise you.. i am HAPPY and contented.

and another interesting one from a bumper sticker in facebook :

“people say that i’ve changed, but what i think is that i just found myself”

 🙂 . . s e k i a n


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