05
Dec
07

life has been kind

after 2 weeks of drama, qookie has bounced back from what she calls.. complicated plots.

alot has been happening in this two weeks, at one point qookie lost her faith in life. nothing seems to work for qookie until she realized that, if she doesnt do something sooner or later.. bitterness and darkness would consume her life, and everything which matters to her will be lost.

well, at least i bounced back quite fast from the unimaginable plots and continued on life. the repurcussions which has taken place.. unexpected. i’ve lost something that i consider to matter to me most. someone that i am really into has left. it’s bad timing that all this happened and from what i’ve discovered, i’ve been one terrible individual which i have never come across in my whole entire 25 years of living on this earth. i’ve became this one bitter, hateful soul that i’ve never expected to be. So yeah, the qookie for the past 2 weeks was completely a different person,  is now gone and the original qookie has come back. too bad that qookie came back too late because by the time she turned sane again, the most important person which qookie treasure’s most.. well.

its not that im not strong enough to handle the situation, it was something new which i’ve encountered and did not expect.. after years and years being challenged to the most ridiculous things, i guess what happened this time was a definite big blow which i could not control. i know that being positive and all is definitely the way, but at the time i could not because i was so wallowed down in emotional roller-coaster (heck, im just human) and did not realize that the impact of it was quite strong. well, thats all old news now.. and i hope things are getting back to normal and better.

 interesting discussion that i had with lucy today.. “as much as I am strong, at one point in my self depresso mood, i was actually soulless where im just empty inside”.. reflecting back, maybe i was. maybe i am. but from what has happened… i guess i just lost everything.. and now im back to believing that there is such thing called faith and im a firm believer in it.

as much as i’ve lost something which is important to me, im not giving up. im fighting back. im gonna get it back whatever it takes. there’s always this thing called hope, and when there’s a will. there’s a way. I have that will, and no matter how hard it gets, im getting you back. after what has been said and done, i was thinking to myself, should i let it go? maybe its not meant to be? but the more i thought why i should fight for this is because that never have i found someone so determined, so driven, energetic and full of positivity which makes me more determined to win the heart back again. and i know it’s certain that the person is the one for me because of the steps i took to have this. so again, im not giving up.

 as much as i want to blog more, i’ve got tons to do and its already 2333 hours. yawn. wish me luck to wake up please.

sekian. selamat malam

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