I need rest. My well needed rest.

Its been a tiring “weekend” (well, this week my weekend starts on sunday to monday 😉 ) because I have not been having enough sleep and am definitely feeling like a walking zombie.

And finally..finished my wedding photog job… and having satisfied customers.. yeay! I swear that when I reach home tommorow, the first thing that Im going to do is go to sleep. At this moment of time, my eyes are red, my rings are like a panda and reality check.. tommorow is the day where I go back to my day job, working a measly customer service job.

Working as a photographer and a presenter was kind of exciting..and looking at how some proposals were made to pitch for an event really is pulling me towards the other field which my mom calls it “the forbidden zone”, the event management field. Its not that I want to have crazy nights or whatsoever, but it feels good to make use of what Ive learned and put it to work. Seems that I feel a bit dried out applying it at the place I am currently working now because the extra efforts that you pull, hell no theyre not going to pay you extra. BLERGH.

Had some talks with my bosses, 3 of them which I reported to directly (whoa, complicated to have like 3 kan?) and all of them said the same thing : I’ve lost interest in what I am doing. Its funny that I use to actually have a passion on doing the job, but these days it feels like Im doing my job for the sake of it. WTF, the company is paying shitless for the job that everyone is doing. Sigh.

Despite all the mixed feelings about my job and my other part time jobs, it doesnt help that I feel the same how my life has taken a turn. It feels good but somehow somewhat its missing something. And I just realized, its time for me to stop what Ive been doing, pretending that Im happy of everything which revolves around my day to day life. Its time for me to be happy for me. Be it being selfish or whats not, but I do think I do deserve that dont I? Im tired of pleasing others, and it doesnt help if they dont treat you right for being the person I am right?

Like a dear friend who told me last night :

“Your existance may not matter to a lot of people, but there are  people who actually are aware of your wellbeing and try to contribute as much as they can to make sure that you do matter” (something like that lah but I say it out nicer..gah gah).

Well, its what I think that should matter to me most. And today, at the EM office, I’ve never felt so welcome and being part of the family. Thanks “mom” for making me feel welcome and I do love being around all of you who has been truly good to me. Bless.

I used to crave for acceptance, not anymore. Ive been through a lot of change and a drastic one happened 1 month ago which I look at it as a good step. I am now more to a what the hell attitude than to care so much about matters when it comes to personal and work which has done me good because Ive grown to be a more patient person and also to not do things which is somewhat illogical. But have to admit though, it feels good to be accepted by a crowd of people which takes you as a mature person.

Enough for tonight. I NEED SLEEP!

**time to do a rough business card..woo hoo!**


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